The Bachelor: Week 2 Recap

HOLA mis amigos. This week is the FIRST week of dates, which is really when the season STARTS. (I'm TRYING to write like JP tweets, with random and OBNOXIOUS capitalization. Bless his HEART.)

Clare's 1-on-1: 
JP comes to pick Clare up in his awesome Tesla, and naturally all the other girls are jealous. They all follow the two outside and gasp, ooh, and ahh as JP blindfolds Clare and they drive off into the sunset. The viewers know from Sunday's extra episode that JP and Clare are headed to a "Winter Wonderland", complete with real (fake) snow. I have mixed feelings about the whole blindfolding thing. On one hand, it's romantic and I love surprises, but on the other (bigger) hand I think I would get carsick and probably ruin the Tesla's gorgeous interior. Luckily, Clare fared just fine and was giddy with excitement when they arrived to the date. JP piggy backed her across the snow and finally sat her down on the hill and removed the blindfold. Clare's reaction was precious and incredibly genuine. Her and JP frolicked through the "snow", ran through trees and slid down hills, or as JP would pronounce them, HEEEELS.

After a quick bout of ice skating, which Clare looked very out of place and not so graceful in, the date moved to the hot tub. Clare looked gorgeous in her bikini, and she snuggled up to JP to "open up" as all the girls feel they need to. Clare might have been a bit too open for date numero uno as she spent most of the time talking about her late dad, who was the "epitome of what a man should be." Also, she was massaging JP the whole time, which poor Crazy Amy did and she was sent home! JP must've liked Clare's touch better, because she got a rose. Just in time too. The first private concert of the season was starting. I hate that the girls still act surprised that they are a part of a private concert. That's ABC's signature move, ladies! However, I was surprised, and slightly annoyed, that the private concerts started on the very first date this season. Overall, I think it was a solid first date for this season. Clare did a great job of being herself; Juan Pablo did a great job of keeping the confusing accent and dialogue to a minimum.

Kat's 1-on-1: From a Winter Wonderland in LA...to Utah. JP sure has a variety of dates up his sleeve. Kat and JP board a private jet, and for whatever reason she thinks they're going to Miami. Really? Once again, I have mixed feelings about the whole private jet thing. Too loud and way too much turbulence for me. Or maybe I'm just really lame and old. Hmm. Anyways, JP disappeared (on a small plane, not sure where to) and returned in a flashy jumpsuit outfit with crazy neon colors and awesome sunglasses. He handed Kat a similar outfit, although much less material, and the two landed in Park City, Utah. Turns out, they would be starting this Electric Dance 5K. Now hold on just one minute. A 5K date? I would've definitely needed some prior warning that I would be running over 3 miles on my first date. And then I would have politely declined.

However, as the race started, it looked like an absolute blast! The running is more of a light jog with tons of pauses to just dance and have a good time. Yet again, an opportunity for JP to dance rather than speak. JP did know ahead of time that Kat loved to dance which is a plus as he has some pretty smooth moves himself. Naturally, the two found their way to the stage and led the crowd in one of the coolest raves I've ever seen. 5K aside, I would've 100% rather had this date than the lame Winter Wonderland. Kat gets the rose, and her and JP dance the night away.

Group Date: The first group date of the season...brace yourselves. The group dates always prove to be the most dramatic, and the most entertaining. On this date, JP took a group of girls to be a part of a charity photo shoot. Super fun, right? More like super funny. The charity that the photo shoot would be supporting was one I could get on board with: the adoption of dogs! And the models aka the girls posed with pups in some pretty interesting outfits. Notable outfits included a fire hydrant costume, a painted on dog, and cardboard signs. Now, to elaborate. Southern belle Kelly was sporting a painted on dalmatian? Whatever dog it was supposed to be, it was hilarious. She was painted head to toe in white and brown with a giant white spot around her eye. While other girls were dressed in beautiful dresses, sweet Kelly was a dog. She was a great sport about it though, so bonus points for her.

Undoubtedly the most controversy and drama came from the costumes that Andi and Elise were supposed to wear. No clothes, no swimsuits, just a piece of cardboard to barely cover them, that read "Adopt" and "Me" respectively. Naturally, the girls were stressing out about how scantily clad they would be, and for good reason. As a lawyer and a first grade teacher, posing practically nude on national television goes against everything they value and have worked for. Elise was quick and clever and traded her "costume" for Lucy's fire hydrant costume. Lucy is our resident nudist this season. Her job is listed as "free spirit", and she is every bit of that. Producers are clearly keeping her on the show to create drama with the girls. And cameramen are just begging to keep her around as long as possible. So, Elise was in the clear, but Andi was still stressing. JP came over to comfort her and informed her that he would also be posing nude in the photo shoot so everything was "allll goood." For whatever reason, this comforted her enough to convince her to do it. The three of them posed in the strangest photo shoot I've seen in a while. Quite the first date, eh?

As the sun went down, that's when things got interesting. Victoria was the star of the night, and not for good reason. It quickly became apparent that Victoria had one too many glasses of wine to calm her nerves. And as expected, she denied that she was drunk, insisting that "this is how [she] normally acts." Alright then. There was some provocative dancing followed by a quick exit to the bathroom. Here come the tears. Victoria was clearly past the tipping point as she sank to the bathroom floor and began to cry, whine, and yell. Renee, our resident mom, did her best to get Victoria under control and keep her from embarrassing herself any further, but she was beyond reason. Even JP tried to talk to her, and he too, came up empty. The night ended with Kelly getting the group date rose because she "was such a great sport",  even though I thought Andi definitely was the best sport. But Kelly's cute too, so it's all good. Oh gosh, I sound like JP.

JP visited Victoria the next morning in the hotel she crashed at and rightly sent her home. Her apology, if you could call it that, was incredibly weak. As a 31 year old daddy, JP is long past the stage of drunk nights and immature girls. Byeeeee Victoria.

Rose Ceremony: This week's rose ceremony was uneventful, especially in comparison to last week's. We did find out however, on the group date, that Cassandra is also a momma. During the cocktail party, Cassandra had a mini meltdown about missing her son Trey, and resident mom Renee came to her rescue. JP also consoled her, telling her she was cute. Thanks for the kind words, JP. We lost Chantel and Amy L this week. Not too many tears, not too much drama. JP is now down to 15 women, a much more reasonable amount of women to date at the same time.

My Top 5: 

Andi
Clare
Renee
Nikki
Kat