IT'S JUANUARY! (The Bachelor Premiere)

Ladies and gentlemen, mujeres y hombres, we are back! After much too long of a hiatus (there was no Bachelor Pad this summer), The Bachelor returned with Juan Pablo. Someone on Twitter, probably Chris Harrison, affectionately named this month "Juanuary", as each and every week, viewers are "blessed" with two nights of The Bachelor. So, although The Bachelor technically premiered on Monday night, there was a "Behind the Scenes" look into Juan Pablo's life as well as the casting process of the girls that was broadcasted on Sunday night. You didn't miss much.


Oh, the Bachelor mansion. It is good to be home. After a quick introduction by Chris Harrison (my candidate for the next Bachelor), we are off and running. Juan Pablo (JP) gets some advice from former Bachelor Sean Lowe. There is the standard awkward "how to kiss girls" talk, just as Sean received last year from Arie. This conversation felt very forced to me as Sean and JP aren't actually friends and weren't even on the same season. Just a not so clever time filler. C'mon Elan and fellow producers. We couldn't come up with anything better? Sean Lowe stole the show in this segment and quickly reminded America that despite JP's adorable accent, he is and will always be America's best and favorite Bachelor. Yessir.

The Limos: 
After another couple unnecessary bits, we are finally ready to meet the women. JP looks dapper as always, and apparently dapper enough to have 27 women rather than the usual 25. "Lucky" him. The first interactions are always very awkward as each girl often tries crazy things just to make a lasting impression on the Bachelor. This season was no different. One of the first girls that got my attention was Nikki, a gorgeous pediatric nurse that gave JP a stethoscope to feel her racing heartbeat. Cute, a tad sexy, but not over the top. Clare, bless her heart, stepped out the limo pretending to be pregnant. Now, as a father himself, JP handled the situation very well and played along until she admitted it was a joke. A very risky move, but Lindsay did something similar last season by showing up in a wedding dress and she made it to the final two, so maybe there's something to be said about being a tad crazy on night one. Keep an eye out this season for Clare.

I vaguely remember some mediocre piano playing as an intro, but I have no idea who it was. Either they were eliminated that night or they will be soon. When Andi, the final girl, stepped out of the limo, JP literally turns away at the sight of how beautiful she is. Now, prior to tonight I didn't think I was going to like her because her bio sounded like she was kind of a stuck up lawyer who was way too invested in herself and her job. However, she is absolutely stunning and they clearly have a connection. My fear that she might be this season's Tierra has mostly gone away and she is actually my front runner as of now.

Cocktail Party: 
After meeting all the women, Juan Pablo comes inside and starts a dance party to break the ice. What a fun idea! The girls all clearly loved it, as it showcased his ability to let loose and just have a good time. Also, it allowed JP to dance rather than talk which is a bonus because his English is absolutely terrible. Settle in for a season of very little dialogue from JP. With a photo booth, and Kelly's dog Molly in the house, the girls seem to be having a great time.

However, the night is still young and everyone wants their time with JP. Amy aka Crazy Amy decides that it would be appropriate to take JP outside and showcase her masseuse skills. First of all, he's in a suit so there's no way this massage is actually enjoyable. Secondly, just no. It was so awkward to watch and JP was visibly uncomfortable. Needless to say, Crazy Amy didn't get a rose.

Lauren H., who looks strangely like Blakely from Ben's season, is just a mess. She literally cannot stop talking about herself and the breakup she so recently got out of. Despite her attempts to convince JP, the girls, and us that she has moved on, it's clear that she hasn't. Hang out in the real world for a while sweetie, reality TV is not the cure. I was happy to see her go home, for her own health, and for mine.

First Impression Rose: This season there is only Juan first impression rose. Get it? It's a pun. My last one for the season, I promise (False). Apparently the producers were no longer fans of multiple first impression roses, as seen on Sean and Des' seasons. When interviewed about the rose, some random girl said, "It's not just a rose. It's my future." Oh sweetheart, you are in for a rough season. As a shock to myself and most of America, Sharleen got the first impression rose. Probably in part because her dress was super risque and Juan Pablo pointed out it was "super cute." (Another fair warning...when JP doesn't know what to say/how to say it, he often resorts to "You're cute"). Sharleen has an extremely delayed response, and when she finally answers, she simply says "Sure." Weird. I'm just not seeing it, JP.

Rose Ceremony:
Chris Harrison reappears from the darkness to announce it is time for the rose ceremony. If you're ready, here's Juan Pablo. And if you're not, here's Juan Pablo. Nine girls will be going home tonight, quite a few! I was definitely appreciating that Kelly's dog, Molly, was part of the ceremony. Precious. Perhaps the best and only noteworthy moment of the rose ceremony was when Kylie misheard Kat's name for her own. Super awkward, but also incredibly hilarious. The best part is that she didn't receive a rose. See the clip below.

Overall, it was an entertaining first episode. Not quite on par with Sean, but I am looking forward to watching JP struggle with English the whole season and the girls continue to insist that his poor English, inability to communicate, and heavy accent is "so sexy."


My Top 5:

Andi
Renee
Clare
Nikki
Kat