The Bachelor: Week 3 Recap

This week on The Bachelor...a 21 year old who hasn't had a date in three years gets a chance at love, we witness the most uncomfortable kiss in television history, and a first grade teacher brings out the claws over a coveted 1-on-1 date. Also, Chris Harrison causes quite the stir with his choice of shirt in the opening scene where he delivers the first date card. His color blocked button down was likely the most tweeted thing about the show, aside from the infamous kiss.

Cassandra's 1-on-1:

So after her slight meltdown last week before the rose ceremony, things take a 180 turn for Cassandra this week as she gets the first date of the week. Juan Pablo aka JP aka Pablo aka Pabs promised both her and Renee that because they are mommas, he would work very quickly to figure out his feelings for them so he doesn't keep them from their children if there is nothing there. This week, Cassandra was up to bat. The two drove off in Pab's signature Tesla before changing rides into a stylish Jeep type thing. Not really sure what to call it. As they drove around this gorgeous lake, Cassandra tried to guess their destination, and just as I said "the water" to the TV (Yes, I talk to inanimate objects), Pabs drove full speed into the lake. The car magically transformed into a boat, pretty cool I must say. Cassandra and JP zoomed around the lake, although the car camera shots didn't look like it was quite as relaxing of a ride as one may think.

Eventually, the boat car thing got boring because they boarded a fancy yacht for the remainder of their excursion. It didn't take long before the cliche jump into the water occurred and Cass and Pabs shared their first kiss. Cute. The evening portion of the date took place back at Juan Pablo's house where they cooked dinner together. For those of you that didn't know, Cassandra hadn't been on a first date in three years prior to her date with JP. Again, Cassandra hadn't been on a first date in three years! Can you imagine? The only reason I stress this is because she informed the viewers of this baffling fact over five times in her brief interviews as if it was something absurd. Hun, you're 21. You got pregnant at 18 and have a two year old son to be taking care of. Not particularly shocking. Anyways, I digress. Pabs showed off some of his sweet moves and danced with Cass in the kitchen, easing some mutual nerves. The rest of the date went off without a hitch, Cass got the rose, and JP listened very intently to everything Cassandra had to say. Or, he was just staring at her beauty. Probably the latter.

Group Date:
FINALLY. The soccer date I have been waiting for. JP doesn't have my heart quite like Sean Lowe does, but he did look rather dashing in his soccer uniform, or as my best friend Morgan would call it, costume. It's clear that Pabs was totally in his element, and it's really cool to watch. The girls would be competing against each other in a soccer game with JP as the referee. But, first, he was kind enough to practice some drills with the girls. It quickly became clear who had a soccer background, who was athletic, and who was hopeless. Southern belle Kelly was in the hopeless category, but she tried really hard, bless her heart. During the actual game, Sharleen got hit with the ball more times than a dodgeball player, even once by Pabs himself. I have a theory about the damages from the hits that I will share later. All of the girls played their hearts out, and even though the blue team lost, everyone got to stay for the rest of the date. Unusual.

Now, for the social mingling part of the group date, Andi and Nikki received honorable mentions in my opinion. Nikki and Pabs clearly have a very good connection, and he seems to be taking it slow with her which I actually see as a sign that he likes her a lot. Andi is very independent which I love, and so does JP. The two finally shared their first kiss in the concession stands at the stadium and I thought it was cute. She's still a front runner in my opinion, and I think Nikki is too. The real winner of the group date, and by winner I mean loser, is Sharleen. This girl. Her and Pablo spent their alone time in the center of the field, in full view of everyone. After some boring conversation, JP leaned in to kiss her and she pulled away. But then she came back and kissed him. I use the term "kiss" very lightly. It was the most uncomfortable, awkward, unnatural kiss I have ever seen, and everyone in social media seemed to agree. My theory that I mentioned earlier is that she got hit in the face one too many times with a soccer ball and the kissing circuit in her brain tripped up. I'm 99% sure Pabs wasn't feeling it either as he was like, "I like your shirt," which is code for "time to go back to my other girls." The rest of the women were pretty upset that Sharleen and Juan Pablo kissed in front of everyone. Wah. Nikki got the group date rose, which once again I was happy about, but I was pulling for Andi.

Chelsie's 1-on-1:

Prior to the reveal that Chelsie would be going on the last 1-on-1 for this week, Elise had a few things to say. Well, really just one. Elise could not talk about anything except for "how young Chelsie is" and how "JP doesn't want two daughters." Aside from her plain rudeness, I was mostly confused at how someone can be calling 24 year old Chelsie young when there is a 21 year old on the show! I swear Cass is lying about her age. Something doesn't line up.

Chelsie strikes me as a very down to earth, low maintenance type girl. Her and Pabs danced and sang to Venezuelan music in the Tesla on the way to their date. She didn't know any words, clearly, but still had a blast. The two stopped for some Venezuelan lunch, and Chelsie truly seemed to enjoy it. She's all about the food, and I'm all about her. However, Chelsie is not "all about" heights. In fact, she hates them. Good thing her and Pablo will be bungee jumping off a bridge today. When Chelsie found this out, she had a full fledged panic attack. It took her about seven minutes to decide to jump on the episode, although I'm sure it actually took close to an hour. After reassurance from Pabs such as "Just do it for me," (um no) they finally took the plunge. Cue standard metaphors as to how love is like falling off of a bridge. Spiderman style, Chelsie and JP shared their first kiss hanging upside down by their ankles. Super cool camera shot. Probably slightly uncomfortable, however, when you consider that the blood has rushed to their heads and their hanging by their ankles.

The dinner portion of the date was perfect. Pabs really seems to like Chelsie, I think, as he hasn't once mentioned in an interview how cute she is. Rather, he spoke about her easy going personality and maternal instincts. So, in my opinion, she's more than just a pretty face to him. The couple was "surprised" when Billy Currington showed up for a private concert. Chels and Pabs had fun dancing together, and they looked very natural. She received the rose and secured time in the future with El Bachelor.

"Cocktail" Party: On the morning of the cocktail party, JP snuck into the mansion and surprised the girls by cooking them a Venezuelan breakfast. He was excited to see the girls without their hair and makeup all done up. Sean did something similar on his season, and Catherine (his wife in a few days!) didn't even blink an eye when she had no time to get ready. A girl after my own heart. Southern belle Kelly was the first one down, accompanied by Molly, and was completely taken aback when she saw JP. She cowered away and covered her face. Not a good move if you can't see your potential fiancee without makeup on. Renee was an all-star and walked out with no makeup on and right up to JP for a hug. She's a mom, she has way more things to worry about than her hair and makeup. Pabs took notice and loved it. The breakfast went over very well with the girls; it looked pretty darn delicious on TV.

Juan Pablo cancelled the cocktail party and opted for a pool party instead. His thinking: see all the remaining in their swimsuits. The girls' thinking: show off my hot bod for JP. This is when the claws started coming out, with Kat hogging JP for chicken fights, Sharleen "kissing" him yet again in front of the girls, and Elise just being Elise. As I was watching the pool party, my main concern was not with the girls, but rather when this cold weather is going to leave so I can soak up my own rays! This polar vortex stuff isn't funny anymore.

Rose Ceremony: Christy and Lucy left us this week. I wasn't surprised about Christy, but Lucy's elimination did come as a surprise to me. I was almost positive I had seen more footage of her in previews of the season! I really thought she was going to be the cause of some drama among the girls. Turns out, she was really just a free spirit that didn't care much for clothes. I would've rather Pabs have kept Lucy over Danielle. Next week for sure this girl has got to be going home. Or Sharleen. That would be nice. Unfortunately, I think Sharleen and/or Clare are going to prove to be the dramatic women in the household. I'm not sure if I'm ready for all the claws to come out. That's when watching this show starts becoming emotionally draining.

It looks like the girls and Pablo Picasso pack up their things next week and head to the first destination of the season. The dates will be getting more extravagant, and the girls will be getting more and more unbearable.

My Top 5: 

Chelsie
Renee
Nikki
Andi
Clare (although she seems a bit emotional)

The Bachelor: Week 2 Recap

HOLA mis amigos. This week is the FIRST week of dates, which is really when the season STARTS. (I'm TRYING to write like JP tweets, with random and OBNOXIOUS capitalization. Bless his HEART.)

Clare's 1-on-1: 
JP comes to pick Clare up in his awesome Tesla, and naturally all the other girls are jealous. They all follow the two outside and gasp, ooh, and ahh as JP blindfolds Clare and they drive off into the sunset. The viewers know from Sunday's extra episode that JP and Clare are headed to a "Winter Wonderland", complete with real (fake) snow. I have mixed feelings about the whole blindfolding thing. On one hand, it's romantic and I love surprises, but on the other (bigger) hand I think I would get carsick and probably ruin the Tesla's gorgeous interior. Luckily, Clare fared just fine and was giddy with excitement when they arrived to the date. JP piggy backed her across the snow and finally sat her down on the hill and removed the blindfold. Clare's reaction was precious and incredibly genuine. Her and JP frolicked through the "snow", ran through trees and slid down hills, or as JP would pronounce them, HEEEELS.

After a quick bout of ice skating, which Clare looked very out of place and not so graceful in, the date moved to the hot tub. Clare looked gorgeous in her bikini, and she snuggled up to JP to "open up" as all the girls feel they need to. Clare might have been a bit too open for date numero uno as she spent most of the time talking about her late dad, who was the "epitome of what a man should be." Also, she was massaging JP the whole time, which poor Crazy Amy did and she was sent home! JP must've liked Clare's touch better, because she got a rose. Just in time too. The first private concert of the season was starting. I hate that the girls still act surprised that they are a part of a private concert. That's ABC's signature move, ladies! However, I was surprised, and slightly annoyed, that the private concerts started on the very first date this season. Overall, I think it was a solid first date for this season. Clare did a great job of being herself; Juan Pablo did a great job of keeping the confusing accent and dialogue to a minimum.

Kat's 1-on-1: From a Winter Wonderland in LA...to Utah. JP sure has a variety of dates up his sleeve. Kat and JP board a private jet, and for whatever reason she thinks they're going to Miami. Really? Once again, I have mixed feelings about the whole private jet thing. Too loud and way too much turbulence for me. Or maybe I'm just really lame and old. Hmm. Anyways, JP disappeared (on a small plane, not sure where to) and returned in a flashy jumpsuit outfit with crazy neon colors and awesome sunglasses. He handed Kat a similar outfit, although much less material, and the two landed in Park City, Utah. Turns out, they would be starting this Electric Dance 5K. Now hold on just one minute. A 5K date? I would've definitely needed some prior warning that I would be running over 3 miles on my first date. And then I would have politely declined.

However, as the race started, it looked like an absolute blast! The running is more of a light jog with tons of pauses to just dance and have a good time. Yet again, an opportunity for JP to dance rather than speak. JP did know ahead of time that Kat loved to dance which is a plus as he has some pretty smooth moves himself. Naturally, the two found their way to the stage and led the crowd in one of the coolest raves I've ever seen. 5K aside, I would've 100% rather had this date than the lame Winter Wonderland. Kat gets the rose, and her and JP dance the night away.

Group Date: The first group date of the season...brace yourselves. The group dates always prove to be the most dramatic, and the most entertaining. On this date, JP took a group of girls to be a part of a charity photo shoot. Super fun, right? More like super funny. The charity that the photo shoot would be supporting was one I could get on board with: the adoption of dogs! And the models aka the girls posed with pups in some pretty interesting outfits. Notable outfits included a fire hydrant costume, a painted on dog, and cardboard signs. Now, to elaborate. Southern belle Kelly was sporting a painted on dalmatian? Whatever dog it was supposed to be, it was hilarious. She was painted head to toe in white and brown with a giant white spot around her eye. While other girls were dressed in beautiful dresses, sweet Kelly was a dog. She was a great sport about it though, so bonus points for her.

Undoubtedly the most controversy and drama came from the costumes that Andi and Elise were supposed to wear. No clothes, no swimsuits, just a piece of cardboard to barely cover them, that read "Adopt" and "Me" respectively. Naturally, the girls were stressing out about how scantily clad they would be, and for good reason. As a lawyer and a first grade teacher, posing practically nude on national television goes against everything they value and have worked for. Elise was quick and clever and traded her "costume" for Lucy's fire hydrant costume. Lucy is our resident nudist this season. Her job is listed as "free spirit", and she is every bit of that. Producers are clearly keeping her on the show to create drama with the girls. And cameramen are just begging to keep her around as long as possible. So, Elise was in the clear, but Andi was still stressing. JP came over to comfort her and informed her that he would also be posing nude in the photo shoot so everything was "allll goood." For whatever reason, this comforted her enough to convince her to do it. The three of them posed in the strangest photo shoot I've seen in a while. Quite the first date, eh?

As the sun went down, that's when things got interesting. Victoria was the star of the night, and not for good reason. It quickly became apparent that Victoria had one too many glasses of wine to calm her nerves. And as expected, she denied that she was drunk, insisting that "this is how [she] normally acts." Alright then. There was some provocative dancing followed by a quick exit to the bathroom. Here come the tears. Victoria was clearly past the tipping point as she sank to the bathroom floor and began to cry, whine, and yell. Renee, our resident mom, did her best to get Victoria under control and keep her from embarrassing herself any further, but she was beyond reason. Even JP tried to talk to her, and he too, came up empty. The night ended with Kelly getting the group date rose because she "was such a great sport",  even though I thought Andi definitely was the best sport. But Kelly's cute too, so it's all good. Oh gosh, I sound like JP.

JP visited Victoria the next morning in the hotel she crashed at and rightly sent her home. Her apology, if you could call it that, was incredibly weak. As a 31 year old daddy, JP is long past the stage of drunk nights and immature girls. Byeeeee Victoria.

Rose Ceremony: This week's rose ceremony was uneventful, especially in comparison to last week's. We did find out however, on the group date, that Cassandra is also a momma. During the cocktail party, Cassandra had a mini meltdown about missing her son Trey, and resident mom Renee came to her rescue. JP also consoled her, telling her she was cute. Thanks for the kind words, JP. We lost Chantel and Amy L this week. Not too many tears, not too much drama. JP is now down to 15 women, a much more reasonable amount of women to date at the same time.

My Top 5: 

Andi
Clare
Renee
Nikki
Kat

IT'S JUANUARY! (The Bachelor Premiere)

Ladies and gentlemen, mujeres y hombres, we are back! After much too long of a hiatus (there was no Bachelor Pad this summer), The Bachelor returned with Juan Pablo. Someone on Twitter, probably Chris Harrison, affectionately named this month "Juanuary", as each and every week, viewers are "blessed" with two nights of The Bachelor. So, although The Bachelor technically premiered on Monday night, there was a "Behind the Scenes" look into Juan Pablo's life as well as the casting process of the girls that was broadcasted on Sunday night. You didn't miss much.


Oh, the Bachelor mansion. It is good to be home. After a quick introduction by Chris Harrison (my candidate for the next Bachelor), we are off and running. Juan Pablo (JP) gets some advice from former Bachelor Sean Lowe. There is the standard awkward "how to kiss girls" talk, just as Sean received last year from Arie. This conversation felt very forced to me as Sean and JP aren't actually friends and weren't even on the same season. Just a not so clever time filler. C'mon Elan and fellow producers. We couldn't come up with anything better? Sean Lowe stole the show in this segment and quickly reminded America that despite JP's adorable accent, he is and will always be America's best and favorite Bachelor. Yessir.

The Limos: 
After another couple unnecessary bits, we are finally ready to meet the women. JP looks dapper as always, and apparently dapper enough to have 27 women rather than the usual 25. "Lucky" him. The first interactions are always very awkward as each girl often tries crazy things just to make a lasting impression on the Bachelor. This season was no different. One of the first girls that got my attention was Nikki, a gorgeous pediatric nurse that gave JP a stethoscope to feel her racing heartbeat. Cute, a tad sexy, but not over the top. Clare, bless her heart, stepped out the limo pretending to be pregnant. Now, as a father himself, JP handled the situation very well and played along until she admitted it was a joke. A very risky move, but Lindsay did something similar last season by showing up in a wedding dress and she made it to the final two, so maybe there's something to be said about being a tad crazy on night one. Keep an eye out this season for Clare.

I vaguely remember some mediocre piano playing as an intro, but I have no idea who it was. Either they were eliminated that night or they will be soon. When Andi, the final girl, stepped out of the limo, JP literally turns away at the sight of how beautiful she is. Now, prior to tonight I didn't think I was going to like her because her bio sounded like she was kind of a stuck up lawyer who was way too invested in herself and her job. However, she is absolutely stunning and they clearly have a connection. My fear that she might be this season's Tierra has mostly gone away and she is actually my front runner as of now.

Cocktail Party: 
After meeting all the women, Juan Pablo comes inside and starts a dance party to break the ice. What a fun idea! The girls all clearly loved it, as it showcased his ability to let loose and just have a good time. Also, it allowed JP to dance rather than talk which is a bonus because his English is absolutely terrible. Settle in for a season of very little dialogue from JP. With a photo booth, and Kelly's dog Molly in the house, the girls seem to be having a great time.

However, the night is still young and everyone wants their time with JP. Amy aka Crazy Amy decides that it would be appropriate to take JP outside and showcase her masseuse skills. First of all, he's in a suit so there's no way this massage is actually enjoyable. Secondly, just no. It was so awkward to watch and JP was visibly uncomfortable. Needless to say, Crazy Amy didn't get a rose.

Lauren H., who looks strangely like Blakely from Ben's season, is just a mess. She literally cannot stop talking about herself and the breakup she so recently got out of. Despite her attempts to convince JP, the girls, and us that she has moved on, it's clear that she hasn't. Hang out in the real world for a while sweetie, reality TV is not the cure. I was happy to see her go home, for her own health, and for mine.

First Impression Rose: This season there is only Juan first impression rose. Get it? It's a pun. My last one for the season, I promise (False). Apparently the producers were no longer fans of multiple first impression roses, as seen on Sean and Des' seasons. When interviewed about the rose, some random girl said, "It's not just a rose. It's my future." Oh sweetheart, you are in for a rough season. As a shock to myself and most of America, Sharleen got the first impression rose. Probably in part because her dress was super risque and Juan Pablo pointed out it was "super cute." (Another fair warning...when JP doesn't know what to say/how to say it, he often resorts to "You're cute"). Sharleen has an extremely delayed response, and when she finally answers, she simply says "Sure." Weird. I'm just not seeing it, JP.

Rose Ceremony:
Chris Harrison reappears from the darkness to announce it is time for the rose ceremony. If you're ready, here's Juan Pablo. And if you're not, here's Juan Pablo. Nine girls will be going home tonight, quite a few! I was definitely appreciating that Kelly's dog, Molly, was part of the ceremony. Precious. Perhaps the best and only noteworthy moment of the rose ceremony was when Kylie misheard Kat's name for her own. Super awkward, but also incredibly hilarious. The best part is that she didn't receive a rose. See the clip below.

Overall, it was an entertaining first episode. Not quite on par with Sean, but I am looking forward to watching JP struggle with English the whole season and the girls continue to insist that his poor English, inability to communicate, and heavy accent is "so sexy."


My Top 5:

Andi
Renee
Clare
Nikki
Kat